Profiles in Online Dating: Women with Disabilities Share Their Road Back to Love, Lust and Empowerment
Bethany is a perpetually fascinated and incredibly open and forthcoming woman who has almost given up on dating, due to the many heartbreaks she has endured. Her spirit and determination are so strong, that she generally will dive right into any project or goal she sets her mind to and not stop until achieved. She is a girly girl who loves makeup, desires attention and is not too proud to admit she needs and wants a man’s love and commitment. She is as bright as she is funny and adorable and is drawn to the psychology of the mind and is continually intrigued with how people come to feel, act and think the way they do. She, like many women with disabilities who have online profiles, has been approached by men who are “devotees.” Her natural, innate curiosity lead her to set about to learn all there was to know about the mind of a man who finds themselves with feelings of intense attraction to woman who are disabled. She even, with the help of friends and experts, devised a very thorough survey to better understand how the attraction is formed, and how it affects both those who have it and those whom they seek. She is not opposed to dating devotees and her research has given her the opinion that, like any other type of human sexuality, people are not made up of what or who they desire, but as individuals who should be judged on their own merits. PUSHliving will be sharing Bethany’s data once collected for those who are interested in learning more about this topic.
In Her Own Words
On September 7th, 2010 I was a normal 25 year old, crazy in love with her boyfriend, working two jobs and going to school full-time. All that changed drastically in the blink of an eye. My boyfriend ran into the back of a semi pulling off the road. I suffered a severe brain injury where 1/3 of my brain was full of blood, shattered my C2 vertebra and dislocated my C3-5, broke my ribs and my arm, had contusions on my kidneys and lungs, collapsed both lungs and my trachea was severed from my larynx by over two centimeters, which they didn’t find out until later when they tried to extubate me from the vent (I somehow managed to breath on my own for two hours with this hole and am in a medical book because of it!) The doctors said I would never eat, talk, move or feel below my shoulders or breathe on my own. They removed the entire right side of my skull and left it off for two months because of the swelling. It took them two days to repair my spine (14 hours one day and 12 the next) and had to pull the pieces of my trachea out of my neck to reconnect them so I could (HOPEFULLY) talk. I remember the day all the ENT surgeons came in to put a scope down my throat to see if my vocal cords still worked. When we found out they did, they all clapped and everyone cried. It’s one of my favorite memories, because if you know me, you’ll know I talk. A LOT. All those surgeries were so painful I didn’t even know pain could possibly exist like that.
But what do doctors know? I was off the vent in two weeks, started kicking my legs and moving my arms in three, eating and talking in two months and never lost sensation. I’ve been through every single stage in dealing with this. I never thought you could cry that hard or mourn something so much either. I have gone through years where I wish I had died, many periods of suicidal idealization and even planning. Times where I couldn’t get out of bed for months. Times when I’ve hated myself so desperately I couldn’t even stand to look in the mirror.
But that gets old after a while. At least for me. People always tell me, “I don’t know how you can be so strong. I could never do that with your positive attitude!” And I used to think I didn’t have any other choice BUT to be strong. Now I realize that’s not the case, because I CHOSE to stop comparing my life to others’, I CHOSE to stop dwelling on the “old me,” I CHOSE and continue to choose to be thankful for every good thing that comes my way and show gratitude for it!
I still can’t walk and there’s not a whole lot I can do by myself, but I always remind myself that not only could it have been so much worse, there are millions of people in the world who have a much harder life and I am still so incredibly blessed.”
Bethany lives in northwest Arkansas, which she feels is “amazing” due to its four equally beautiful and distinct seasons and the gorgeous autumn as it’s near the Ozark mountains.
Here is a look at Bethany’s Online Profile:
Hey, everybody! I’m Beth! I’m very pretty and have a great sense of humor!! Are there any nice guys interested in MOM GET OFF MY COMPUTER YOU’RE RUINING EVERYTHING!!
Well, that was embarrassing…
I’m only doing this ’cause managing a career as a bullfighter/neurosurgeon, running the entire Walmart corporation single handed, maintaining a low profile after winning two Pulitzer Prizes AND being a Victoria’s Secret model was taking a toll on me.
So I digress..,
I’m A trill young lady, preacher’s daughter, and sardonic sweetheart with a penchant for irreverent humor.
I love to laugh and that humor is paramount to me in all of my relationships-friendships and family included! I have always loved psychology and this is my favorite study of humans: people watching at an Arkansas Walmart. There’s some mighty fine specimens there. If you can pull off Duck Dynasty pajamas, a rat tail, AND weigh 500 pounds, you’re clearly living life to the fullest. I love to read and write a lot. Music is my world. It’s never not playing. If I could smoke it, I would. People SAY they listen to all types of music, but I really do. I’m an introvert and need my alone time, but I’m very talkative and outgoing around others. My favorite shows are/were Breaking Bad, Mad Men, True Blood, Curb Your Enthusiasm, American Horror Story, House of Cards and Damages right now.
I’m definitely a Southern girl and love college football. SEC all the way, baby!
Although I like going out to eat, going to see movies, going to museums, etc, I’d say I’m more of a “comfy” girl. Laid back. I’m totally content just hanging out in sweats and watching Netflix, riding around and listening to music, or hanging out and just talking. I have absolutely no tolerance for judgmental men. Yes, I have a past and I’m open and real about it.
And to clarify: I am not your stereotypical type of Christian. I’m not an uptight prude and I don’t judge. Well, only by your taste in music, movies and TV shows, because I have impeccable taste. I want a man who will grow in my faith with me, a man who will study scripture with me, a man who will be my best friend, my partner in crime. I LOVE music and I definitely want someone who shares that love with me. I want someone who makes me laugh, a man who likes to talk. About everything. I love big conversations.
At first, I put this next part up saying that it was the most paramount thing you need to know about me. I take it back. This is only something that happened to me. I refuse to let it define me. My ex-boyfriend ran into the back of a semi about three years ago, and I suffered a severe brain and spinal cord injury and was paralyzed. In case you were wondering (I sure would be!), yes, I can still have sex, I have full sensation throughout my entire body, can have orgasms and children the natural way. The last time I was in therapy, I was standing on my own and starting to take steps. My last therapist said I have more potential to walk than anybody he’s ever worked with. I’ve just now started back, and I must say: I’m killing it. I want to be with someone who doesn’t see the chair, who isn’t just interested in me until I walk again, who sees ME ’cause I’m a pretty awesome girl (and humble). I also have problems with dexterity in my hands. I need a special man, a strong man. And I can truthfully say EVERYTHING in my life is better now, except my body doesn’t work the same.
Phew! Novel complete.
P.S. The way to my heart is through Irish Spring “it’s the Fresh-maker!” soap & Gain laundry detergent. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t snort it if you could!
- Education and Exposure is Key to Bias Against Disabled Mothers - May 14, 2017
- How to Train a Service Dog: Part One—Finding your Match! - May 7, 2017
- The Kindness of Strangers - April 23, 2017
- PUSHLiving Podcast 013 | So you Wanna Dance? Marisa Hamamoto Infinite Flow A Wheelchair Dance Company - February 2, 2017
- PUSHLiving Podcast 010 | Ethan Ruby The Crash, Coming Back from His Darkest Days to Fortune and Love - December 7, 2016
- Einstein - October 18, 2016
- Part 4: Woman with Disabilities: How Accessible is the Road to Motherhood? - June 23, 2016
- “When You Roll with Life, You Know People will be Watching” An Interview with Cutie Courtney Cirabasi - May 7, 2016
- Voices of the Community: Bogus Service Dogs – The Scam Co-Opting the Rights of the Disabled - May 3, 2016
- Part 3 – Women with Disabilities: How Accessible is the Road to Motherhood? - April 14, 2016