We have done many stories on @PushLiving .com about romance in dating, and while I am fortunate and have been married and in a relationship for most of my #SCILife, the reality is all of us beautiful sexy souls with visible disabilities who are very often lucky in #love must overcome a great deal of fear, hesitancy, selfishness, and lack of understanding about what it means to be with #WheelchairWoman or #WheelieHotDude 😀
Oh, Man! If I could tell you some of the things we hear, like the obvious “can you have sex” or the thoughts they don’t say out loud…” I don’t want to date you because I might hurt you either physically or mentally if I ever decide to get frisky or break up with you.” After all, you know we’re fragile like that, haha. WRONG ASSUMPTION. This COULD be true or the farthest from the truth…you will have to find out, but the same goes for the woman who does not show up in a wheelchair, right?
Of course, the old “I’ll have to take care of you, and you won’t be independent, or I’ll be limited in what I can do because of you” or “what will my friends think when I walk into a room with you,” etc.
I’m old enough to be used to all of this misperception and have overcome it quite nicely, but I wonder if the limits of the options due to this kind of thinking affect our self-esteem in a way that we’re not even aware is permeating our subconscious? Sure we can laugh it off, repeatedly, and we can find our way and do; obviously, many of us are getting married, having babies, and having amazing sex. (you can learn all about #SexualityandDisability on my gig as co-host of “Everlasting Love” series on Youtube channel Sustain our Abilities)
But here is the question: Do we choose to downgrade our light and our vibes because we know this is part of our everyday existence in relation to others? People OFTEN just feel awkward around us, even friends; when you walk into a restaurant, it’s just a little bit of a “thing” or energy that is not necessarily at ease.
“I remember so well my last “first date” meeting.
I was so nervous rolling into the restaurant he chose to meet me. He was sitting at the bar, and I had to roll up and look up at him, which was fine. I’m used to this and comfortable with that actual bar (but truly resent the high-top table trend!), but I felt subconscious that I would be accepted in the chair even though he already knew I was in a chair. I feel very fortunate, though, that even though that relationship didn’t last, that I felt completely comfortable and accepted, and I didn’t feel “different.”
But I do think, though, that there is always a little bit of hesitancy when they start to overthink things like: what does it mean to actually “be in a relationship” with her? Should I go forward? I like her, but will my friends and family accept her? Will my colleagues, business partners receive her? What does it mean to be really fully committed to someone with a physical disability?
Try to imagine that for a moment and see if it wouldn’t affect your self-esteem? Of course, there are many available comparisons to disability. Anyone who doesn’t fit social norms and has to deal with uncomfortableness, prejudice, lack of opportunities, and judgment, of course, will understand what I’m talking about and relate. I’ve actually been asked before if I chose someone to date because I had to “downgrade, due to disability which I found to be so insulting not only to him but to me. But maybe I have, in fact, “de facto,” done this now that I look at it? But I never saw it that way. My heart never felt that and I always insisted on good sex, a partner that treats me the way I feel I should be treated and deserved, and someone I was physically attracted to and admired. Would I have had other multiple options? Absolutely if I got on any dating app and didn’t show the wheelchair? I don’t think I could keep up! I can barely keep up the way it is, haha. I’ve had some lovely men in my life, and I’m very fortunate for each of them. They’ve all taught me so much, and I’m incredibly grateful for the journey that brought me here today. I’m different and more evolved in more discerning because of each of them. So now we move forward…
Seeking a calm, gentle, protected, strong, deep, healthy, thriving relationship. Just be strong enough to lift me (smile)”
#ProtectYourGift #DeepSoulConnection #Commitment #Thriving #ChooseYourself #DivineTiming #NoResistance #Pushlove #WheelchairLifestyle #WheelchairGirl #WheelchairLove #BetterYourself #BetterMan #Humble #Wise #DisabilityInclusive #SCIAWARENESS #sciawarenessmonth #trusttheprocess #speakyourtruth
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